Hi my name is Jeff and I am a Storyteller. 

I had a very interesting childhood.

One filled with outrageous and entertaining

 events.

 As I reminisce about the past one fact becomes very clear in my mind.

I must tell these priceless stories.

"THE ORANGE REMEDY" 

Cats get fleas.

 And our cats seemed to always have fleas. Probably for the fact that they were outdoor pets and exposed to outside flea populations. Now I know there are chemicals that you can treat your pet with. Flea shampoos, fur treatments, and chemical laden collars are a few examples.

And then of course there are also some

 "holistic" and natural alternatives. These are

 what I would choose over chemicals.

And evidently my dad thought that the

 "alternative" route was the humane way of

 treatment too.

And he had a brainchild of an idea.....Citrus.

He had read somewhere that citrus, in

 particular oranges, was a dynamic repellent

 for nasty bothersome fleas. I thought that it

 was a great idea too........That is, until I

 witnessed my dad's method of application. 

Flea Dispersal And Elimination Technique:

1. Buy oranges.

2. Cut the rinds off of oranges.

3. Shape the rinds into oval and somewhat

 moon-like wedges.

4. Practice wrestling moves - this is to

 prepare for the submission of the horrified

 kitty cat.

5. Apply wrestling moves while subduing cat.

6. Place two wedges of orange rind

  underneath the horrified

 cat's collar - one on the left side of the neck

and one on the right.

7. Try as hard as you can not to laugh as the

 poor victim claws and flips it's body. This is

 the pet's only line of defense as it applies it's

 own techniques to remove the orange

 wedges.

8. Tell the cat that it is going to be ok.

9. After the helpless victim certainly doesn't

 believe you, tell the cat that it is going to be

 ok again.

10. Pray that this works so you don't have to

 witness the tragedy of the event one more

 time.....As well as putting up

 with the embarrassment of the cat looking at

 you and wondering why you are allowed to

 be a pet owner.

"THE GHOST"

Ok just maybe I'm a practical jokester. And playing tricks on your sweet and caring family members isn't right, but I did it anyway. LOL :)

My family believed in ghosts.

They believed in spirits, entities, and everything else spooky. And with this as my arsenal, fooling a few believers didn't take a rocket scientist. The occurrence, as I like to refer to it, happened late one evening after dark. The darkness tends to lend a helping hand to those poor individuals with whom you decide to utterly horrify. The darkness, noted for those of you who, like myself, like to wreak havoc on your innocent family members. So it was late and very dark, a perfect time for a ghost to appear, huh.

In my mother's bedroom it was especially dark. And without a light on in the room, you couldn't even see your hand in front of your face.....Get the picture ?....Super spooky looking. Her room was located upstairs being a two story house.

My mother and brother were downstairs in the kitchen, doing kitchen things.

And I was upstairs preparing for the joke of the era. You see my poor mother was caught up in the crossfires. It was my brother that I wanted to foolishly obliterate with stupor and scariness. Well, you see, he deserved some torture. He had been getting me for years, with all sorts of pranks and mischief. Yep, he was a prank veteran that was going down.....Going down big time !!!  What can I say, it was the "older brother syndrome". You know, the condition where the older brother shoves his dominance up in your face just because you're ten years younger.

And yes, caught up in it all, my poor mother.

So I prepare. I tell myself, "This is not funny, don't laugh.....This is not funny, don't laugh."

And then I laugh hysterically under a cupped hand held over my mouth. Laugh some more.....A few more times.....Ok, I think it's all out now.....Nope I laugh some more.....Ok, finished.....I am prepared.

I holler for my family in an acting voice that could have been used to win an Oscar, "Mom, Michael...Oh my gosh, come upstairs !!!  Hurry, come upstairs !!!"

My mother responds, "What is it ??? What's wrong ???"

"I think there's something in the corner of your room...Up by the ceiling !!!"

So here's the part where I tell you about my "prop".

 I had this little plastic "glow in the dark" finger puppet ghost. It doesn't sound like much but when you hold it up to a light bulb for 5 minutes charging it's capacity, and then tape it to the corner of a dark bedroom's ceiling, well let's just say that it was real darn scary looking. Especially to two unsuspecting "believers".

It had an eerie glow about it, a somewhat greenish luminescent glow.

So back to the story.....

"I think there's something in the corner of your room...Up by the ceiling !!!"

"What is it", my mother responds.

"It looks like a ghost, mom"...I say with a dishonest coaxing.

My brother, the prank veteran chimes in, "Oh don't believe him mom he's just screwing around".

Now I'm not saying that my mother was gullible.....And I"m not saying that she wasn't either.....But up the steps she came to investigate. At the top of the stairs you could see into her bedroom. And when she reached the top and gazed into the pitch black room she saw the greenish glowing and eerie realistic looking figure. It appeared as if it were floating in mid-air. Mostly due to the talent of my fooling tactics.

"Oh my Michael, he "IS" telling the truth !!!!! There's a ghost in the corner !!!!!

Now here's the really wrong part.

As my mother scurried halfway back down the winding stairs she wasn't silent.

She was praying to God and reciting some kind of protection prayer in dedication to one of the Catholic Saints. I couldn't make out the words but it had something to do with him watching over her and keeping the family safe from harm.....It was so wrong.

But remember now, she was just a casualty of war...Caught up in the teeter totter goings on between me and big bro !!! You know, little mister I can fool you better than you can fool me.

So up comes my brother...He's going to get to the bottom of this foolishness, now isn't he. It takes a prank veteran to handle business such as this silliness. He's ten years older, wiser, and intelligent enough to never ever be fooled.

Yet not quite "THIS" time. Yes this time my revenge was sweeter than honey, so to speak.

The veteran reaches the top of the stairs and to his amazement and stupid(I mean stupor), he exclaims in a very frightened voice, "Oh my, he "IS" telling the truth mom !!!!!!   IT IS A GHOST !!!!!!!!!"

Right then I did something that will certainly go down in my own personal history books as "Genius".

I exclaimed, "I'll take care of it !!! I'm not afraid of it !!!"

And I slowly crept into the dark and scary sanctuary of the pretend, plastic, "glow in the dark", finger puppet ghost !!!!!

And as I did this I remember my mom saying, "No Jeffrey don't !!!" Stating this exclamation in between the prayers and the makings of the sign of the cross.

And I more importantly remember my brother, the prank veteran, emphatically stating in a confused, dazed, and horrified tone,..."No Jeffrey, don't go in there !!!"

Oh, and by the way, I just remembered...

They were both hyperventilating.

Evidently, you tend to do that when you come across a little plastic finger puppet that glows in the dark and emits an eerie greenish-like glow.

This, of course, a direct result of the fake haunting.

And so I creep into the room with both my family members telling me, in a very frightened and loud voice, "NOT" to do it.

They must have, as I suspect, thought I was quite the brave one.

The son who defends the family.

The younger brother who defends his super duper scared older brother.

The hero.

The protector.

The brave one.

Until, that is, I walked over to the "glow in the dark", plastic, green glowing finger puppet and snatched it down from the corner of the room..............Laughing hysterically.

CHERISH YOUR FAMILY.