Laughter is most certainly the best medicine. Fill your life with smirks and smiles :)

UFO'S

Ufo's don't exist.....They're a bunch of made up lies.....I

know this for sure, because a high ranking government

official told me so.....That is, right after he shredded some

classified documents proving the existence of

extraterrestrials.

Procrastination

Sure.....I've procrastinated lots of times.....Let me tell you

about the time that............................I'll finish this later.

Smiles

The more you smile, the easier it is for you to smile.....It's contagious.....Just take a look at a smiley face sticker.....It can't stop smiling.

Two Birds

I would never want to kill two birds with one stone.....Although I would like to take advantage of an entire flock of seagulls.....Strategically positioning them to fly over mean people.....And poop on them.

Pumpkins Verses Squash

Pumpkins always get all the attention.....Carved at Halloween....Eaten at Thanksgiving....And thrown off highway overpasses by idiots.....Poor squash don't stand a chance.

Talk is cheap

Talk is cheap.....Unless those that talk have gold fillings.

Midnight

Darkness falls, and when the clock strikes twelve, it's

midnight.............Unless, of

course, you go to bed at noon the next day......Then

midnight actually becomes mid-day.......And noon becomes

midnight.......So midnight and mid-day are

relative........Time is therefore interchangable, depending

on your sleep patterns......And time has  now become

somewhat controlled........So now rather than we becoming

a slave of time......Time has now become a slave of us. 

KILL THAT GNAT.......

A gnat is flying around your food and all you want to do is

kill it.......Oh, you may wave it away a few times at

first......But eventually you want to kill it......You go from

being this innocent, casual, and happy person to a certified

deranged gnat killer hellbent on defending your daily

grub......It's almost as if the anger takes over

your soul.....The look on your face could be used in any

horror film, and effectively......You're red in the face

with fire blazing......And you want to kill........It's scary

actually......It's frightening that someone, from one second

to the next, could get so mad...From docile to

dangerous....Cussing and acting irrational........I almost

feel bad for them.......It's upsetting......They act so crazy

and foolish......They absolutely act like a fool !!!.....

...............Hold on !!!......Coincidentally, there's a gnat

flying near my food right now !!!...How's that for

timing ???.....HA, HA.......Interesting..........Hey buddy,

what are you doing ???....Do you know that most people

would be furious right about now ???...They sure would you

little teeny tiny guy.....But not me, I'm docile....Very calm

indeed............Something so teeny tiny as you can't

trigger a serious mental breakdown in someone such as

myself......Now you just get on with your business and fly

away....Ok ???.......Get away.....Did you hear me, get

away !!!.....GO !!!....GET !!!.......Hey...........Get away...

.....Will you get out of here.........Get right

now !!!.........Right now !!!.......Seriously, get away

from my food........Get.......You little Son Of A !*?*!*#

.......Ok, you little jerk, you wanna die ???........You

wanna die, don't you ????......I'll kill you.......I mean it, I'll

kill you............Go ahead, fly by one more time

and you're dead.......You idiot...........Oh, you don't

wanna listen huh ???........You're dead then........

......................" SMACK "...................Yeah, that's

right........You're dead........How's that feel........I'll teach

you to fly around my food.........You wanna get me

mad ???......I'll show you.......Where's you're buddies

at ???........Bring em' over here and I'll kill em'

too.......I'll smack them between my hands just like

you.........You little bastard......Bring it on !!!!!

Anyhow, back to what I was saying.......Sometimes you get

so irate, oh, I mean "they" get so irate that it seems, at

least for the moment, you need anger management

counseling...Oops, I mean "they" need anger management

counseling.....It's amazing to me that a person could get

that angry over such a small creature......Exhibiting

behavior in such a violent fashion......Ridiculous behavior

indeed........................What's this ???......Oh, you wanna

play the game too huh..........Go ahead.......Keep flying

around you little sassy jerk.....Why don't you get a

tattoo that says - I'm too stupid to learn from

the splatterd remains of my little ignorant bastard friend -

..........Come on...........Let's do this........Fly by again...

......................I'll kill you...................

The moral of this story :

PEOPLE CAN BE HYPOCRITES.......BE CAREFUL NOT TO

CRITISIZE....WATCH YOUR OWN GNAT...(I MEAN BACK)

SMILES BECOME CONTAGIOUS !!!

IF YOU EAT A FROG IN THE MORNING, NOTHING WORSE WILL HAPPEN TO EITHER OF YOU FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.